Into My Heart

Life's a Bitch Life's a Journey Life's a Puzzle How to figure it out is up to you.... Long time I have felt down it reminds me of my younger years, when I would always wait for my dad to come and he never did. A long time has passed, and I finally feel like I have a dad. He has helped me so much these last couple of months, it is fantastic. It makes me so happy to know in the back of my mind that I have him supporting me through this hard time. When I was a little girl all I wanted was my dad to support me, to feel like he cared about me. One person always downed him, and no matter what this person said I could not let him go. I do not know if it was that I had faith in him to change or I just could not believe my dad was a bad person. No matter how many times he let me down, this all makes up for it. The day my dad told me he understood and agreed with me just made my life. I just love him so much, I do not know where I would be if I never met him. It always felt like everyone was screaming negetive things at me for years, but I could not let it go. I am so glad I did not. Today I was thinking about my grandparents again, it has happened more and more frequently. I just wish you knew how much I loved you. Nono I miss our bike rides, our trips to the peir I am so sorry I did not say I love you enough. I did I really did love you, I feel like I did not tell you that enough. I really looked up to you, I wish I had more time to show you how much I cared. Your so smart, loving and caring I am positive you knew I loved you. As for you Nona, Happy Birthday! I know you left to be with Nono, you helped me so much. You both taught me how to live everyday like its my last. You guys taught me so much, I was so lucky to have you guys in my life. Nona I miss you teaching me to dance, the warm sweaters you would knit me every year, are trouble games (even though you always cheated), and most of all I miss all our trips to windsor every year. Every March break you took me to Windsor to see my cousin's for they're birthday, you would never miss a birthday. We'd make so much pasta (homemade) every bite was a little piece of your heart. I hope one day, I'll be as sweet and loving as you. It is sad that your both gone, I feel like you two were angels from heaven sent to make us a family. I do not feel like were the same family with out you, we barely even see each other anymore. I know if you were still here we would see each other every holiday. Thank-you for loving me, no matter how bad I may of been. I love you both, I promise to visit you both soon. As for friends, Ashley takes the cake. Our friendship has been long, I would never trade you for anyone. Your my sister from another mister! Through the good times and the bad you have always been there. I hope you know, I care about you. Even now, I know were not that close anymore but at the end of the day your always in my heart and I wish the best for you. What would this blog be without a couple memorys? Remember the time we went to the movie theatre a little out of it and found construction gear, or the long bike rides to Best Buy or even just those times screwing around on photobooth. It is always an interesting time, to say the least. Through these last months with the trouble's I have been having I am glad if I was ever homeless I have a place there always. Those Ryan's are sweethearts. Love Is Truth Love Is Unconditional Love Is Joy Love is Freely Given Love Is Compassion To the one that my heart belongs to, I love you. These last few months have been hell for me and all you do is stand by me. When I am sad you try your hardest to cheer me up. No matter what I always feel like I can trust you. It is a strange feeling because I really do not trust anyone. I wish the best for you, I hope you know that. I hope everything gets easier for the both of us, and I hope we have a lovely life set out for us. Through all the bends in the road, I know we can get through anything because we are both super strong people. To sum everything up, thanks for the support and love. Soon enough I'll be back on my feet and laughing. I finally got that confidence back, no more negetivity. I am a winner thats how I was raised a Capacchione never quits.I wish I could go back in time, to when we were close. When I trusted you, when I at least felt you had my back. Those days are over but I yearn for them back. Some cruel things were said, that even if you tried to take them back you never could. I realised today that I can't forgive you for what you said. I will never be able to forgive what you said. I am willing to try and have you back in my life. I do not feel like thats what you want though, thats why I am not going to try anymore. It hurts me everyday that your not there for me, maybe it was our time to die out. I never hated you, I just really disliked you. I can not talk to a person who does not listen. Everytime you yelled at me to talk to you I did, I told you everything. You would chose the parts you could judge me for and just keep being loud and disrespectful. I never felt like I could talk to you and that's the worse feeling in the world. If you were not judging, you were just being ignorant ranting about my friends, my boyfriend or something or someone I cared about. How did you expect me to talk to you? It got so bad that I would hide up in my room so I did not have to deal with the negetive behaviour. I do not understand why you acted that way when all you have is people who love you. Then to top it off, you blame it all on me. The falling out was not my fault, I needed to find a smile. I needed to stop crying myself to sleep, I needed to find who I would be without you. Day after day you trashed everyone in my life, I know in some weird way your looking out for the best for me. I do not know how, but in the end you hurt me worse than any boyfriend or friend. I hope one day we can fix things, I truly do. I think you have a problem letting go because you were not a horrible mom. You never even fought me until I had my first boyfriend. Either way, I wish if you would like to hate my boyfriends that you at least give them a chance. That is all I ever wanted, that is all he wanted to. All he wanted was a chance, it is a shame he never got one. I love you, and hope things get fixed.