In the Begining...this is part 1

I was just young, when my future was somewhat tossed away. It was hard for one person to raise a young child by the lonesome. Thus totally speaking from my perspective it must've been hard. You know someone is truly special when they would drop everything in there life just to take care of you. No matter what, no matter when this person would always be there. This person is my mother. When i was young my father left us and my mother was probably very lost. Inspite her losses she picked up her life and just continued to live even after a seperation from my father. No matter what i was the main priority. She wouldve done anything to make sure i was safe, warm, fed..etc. Growing up with just my mom has taught me alot of things. Either way, she raised me alone while working and trying to keep up the household..it must of been extremly hard. I know in my heart she wouldnt of wanted it any other way though, she would never of giving me up no matter how hard it was i was her child, her baby her love. Throughout the thick and thin my mother always loved me and always put my needs above hers and i thank her for that. Her life changed a great deal, when taking care of me and working got hard she made sure she found someone just as loving to watch me so she could still provide the money for the family. My aunt moved in and helped my mom out, im glad my mom had someone this great to walk into her life to help her because we all know my father wasnt going to. To my father its like i never really existed to him its most definatly like he never even cared. My dad was never there and as i have recently realised he never will truly be there .Frankly i could care less, i have been nothing but giving to him and all he has done is break me apart. I have gave him thousands no millions of chances to be there for me and what has he given me? Ill tell you a few presents to help me remember a dad who doesnt even know what my favourite color is. One year for christmas he got me a fishing rod it through me totally off gaurd...this is when i realised my father knew nothing about me. What do you think it felt like? Ill tell you actually, it felt like someone i knew i should trust and be open with failed me. It felt like my heart was glass and had just been smashed into a million pieces on the ground. It truly killed me, theres no other words to describe the pain. To think one gift could totally tear someone apart is truly crazy. In reality though its kind of hurtful when your dad doesnt even know what your into/ what your interests are. To be honest i never knew it was that bad untill this incident. To continue my messed up story, my mom put me through school with absolutly no help from my father. It would of been nice of him to help but basically my whole life hes just been in nowheres land. If you need money he wont be found. Paying for trips, pictures, soccer, and registration fees for school my mom was determined to make my life the best it could be no matter how hard it was for her. She knew at the end of the tunnel there would be light. I remember in grade school shed always try and come in and help out with the fundraisers and stuff just so she could be with me more. This always made me feel like a million dollars. When i look back on my life im always going to remember that my mom did it all kind of like a super hero. Im never even going to remember my dad if he doesnt step up his game, there will be nothing to remember him for. I really wish i could say i had a loving father, but i just dont. There probably will always be a void in my heart, its all his fault. He couldve been there he couldve gotten to know me, he couldve tooken me to the park to just talk....but he didnt. Life goes on and im no longer waiting for my father to step up and be a man. Its a pointless wait, and im not gonna live forever. As we grow up we tend to take what we have for granted and im truly in regret that i took my mother for granted because she has only been good to me. Except i couldve probably down with out the constant grounding and the loss of my door [just saying]. I know it was all to help me grow into this fine teenager i am now. Other than my mom i have to admitt there were alot of people who helped me become who you see before you today. If i had never met my nona and nono [R.I.P forever and always] i wouldnt be so brought together and loving. Jesus/God truly blessed those two they would do anything for anyone, wouldnt harm a fly either. They truly are a gift from an angel, and its so sad to say they left us. Its hard to look back on those last days with them, but its even harder not to. They brought the love,joy,confidence,faith and happiness to everyone around them every second they lived. If my uncles and mom and all my cousins never met them i think we would of been truly missing out. We would not be who we are without them, we would not smile so big and carry so much joy. I especially missed watching them dance and sing together it was so cute because you know they loved each other more then anyone else would ever love each other in a lifetime. You could just see it in there eyes when they looked at each other. There eyes would glow and it was just amazing. I hope one day i could love someone as much as they loved each other. Now im eighteen years old and have lost three people in my life i loved so deeply that did nothing wrong, maybe it was just the deep truth that good people die sooner than the bad people. But there gone up to heaven now and are looking down on me everyday. I imagine my nono and nona are playing cards with uncle benny laughing at me everytime i do something wrong. It gets me through the days. As for the third person that i lost, im so sorry to his direct family because it was purely tradgic. My uncle joe/godfather lived everyday in the eyes of God.Everything he did was for God,or deeply related to something that needed to be done for God. Just like my grandparents it was clear he loved everyone and everything and i was truly pleasured to of had met him.


to be continued...