Mind Wars

Back in the day, in my spare time i wouldn't get so depressed. I pretty much could just stare into space and crank the tunes and be happy. Now it's like i can't get out of my head without keeping myself 100 percent occupied. It is bloody annoying. Yesterday to stay out of my head i actually reorganized my whole room. If you know me that's almost never happening. I just figured if i couldn't sleep i should be productive in some way and it seemed like away to keep my mind fresh on a task. Yesterday consisted of taking a long walk to and the funny thing was i worked yesterday and still somehow got mindfuct. It seriously is getting worse and worse. I keep remembering the things that you did to me. I cried for four hours yesterday because i saw your bloody photo. I wish you never were in my life. I wish i never fell for you i think i would be a lot better off. I probably would be able to fight this lonely feeling i have to. Before this relationship i never wanted anyone to be with me. Now i feel indifferent to that. I found someone to be all vulnerable with and it scares the shit out of me. I hate you , you changed me. I used to not be afraid of the world. Now of all times, i just want to run. I enjoy drinking and dancing because i feel free. Unchained from your arms and all better. It's the only time i feel like i'm alive. Then again someone has made me feel alive and like i could trust them which is strange i trust no one especially after this fiasco. I swore i'd never trust again and somehow this person ...well some people have got me to trust again. I feel like a vulnerable dope. My head is spinning telling me to stop.